The thought I had will always never come true!
Its 3.48am right now? I can’t sleep I don’t know why? I feel scared right now, keep playing the love songs i had dedicated to him. I don’t know why? It makes me feel much better, thinking about all the happy moments that I had with him and it makes me feel of wanting to see him more but I know I have to stop doing all these. Its no point cause no matter what I say or do, he will never bother. I’m probably just a no body to him and not his priority like how it used to be. Its been exactly 3 weeks the last time I saw him. I wonder how is he now? What has he been doing all these while? I would want to talk to him but every time I do so, he always had to leave as soon as possible. Looking at his name online makes me feel like talking to him more but if I fo so he would leave. But if I do so I don’t know what should I say? What topic should I bring out? Its not like last time anymore. Last time i can just simply say anything I want without feeling nervous while I type to him but now its different. Now while I type, my heart pumps real hard and fast. My hands starts to sweat! I wish I could change back time and be the prefect girl he wants. He’ll never forgive me and not talk to me like how he used to be. Everything has change. Why?? Why must it change when my happiness is here? I’m happy with him, why must God take him away from me? Is this my karma? Am I not loyal enough for him? Or I don’t love him enough till I have to get this? When will he only talk to me properly? When? I admit that I still have feelings for him and acting as if I don’t when I talk to him. Its because I don’t want him to leave. He prefer me talking to him as a friend and not more than that and yes I would. Why? So he would talk to me back. I still care for him alot. But I must stop! It brings me no where. He doesn’t realise of me doing so. He doesn’t even bother that I put my eyes on him. Sigh… I wish that he could speak to me. Like update me about his life time like how he update his friends. I’m his friend too but why he is acting to me this way? Am I actually worth getting this kinda treatment from him? My graduation day is on Friday, 16 June. I really wish he could come like he promise me last time. As a friend or not, you breath the same air I do!
James, I hope its not too late. I’m sorry for everything what I did that make you mad. I know what ever I say or do, you would still treat me cold. But how long will you do this to me? I know that you don’t like to have enermies and I’m not so please stop avoiding me already. Since you can hang out with your friends, why can’t you hang out with me as well? I’m your friend too. Why can’t I have the same treatment from you like how you treat others? I don’t understand? Don’t you want to go shopping like how we used to? Hanging out together and teasing each other? Even though we are friends, why can’t we do it? You can do it with your friends so can we? Give yourself a chance, and you might enjoy it. No body knows? Don’t control your future. Let it go naturally!
Its 4.24am now. I feel much better after blogging and I guess i’m goin to bed now. Nites everyone especially you! Take care and hope you’ll talk to me soon.
