All bout KeLZz

there is no such thing as a prefect life because everyone does have problems in their life no matter is it small or big… yes, i can admit that i have everything that not everyone could have like a family, place to live, place to study, a loving bf and a few frens but i still think that there is something still missing in my life… i really wonder what is it?? hmmm…

yesterday i had to meet my old best fren and i really didn’t noe how to react infront of her… i don’t know isit am i shy to face her or something else… she is like a total stranger to me not like how we used to be… hang out together, share almost everything together… been through many ups and downs together… stay over nite at each other’s place… n does everything in the world that what best frens suppose to do and suddenly meeting her again after 4months without any contact makes me feel so weird… i don’t like this situation where you don’t know are you still her fren or not?? sigh… i know i’m not the best but no one is perfect and mayb i’m just not suitable to be her best fren anymore…

i wish that life was easy for everyone so that there is no any misunderstandings or any arguements at all and everyone are fres to each other… but atleast i don’t feel lonely anymore how i used to be… really appreciate what he is doing for me… n i really don’t want to have any misunderstandings in the relationship either… i’ll do my best to make both sides happy and satisfied… i can’t confirm how long will this relationship last but i just want to appreciate what ever i have now otherwise its too late to regret anything…

i realize that it is no point for me to keep remembering about the bad past that has affected frenship of me and others. i think i should just forgive and forget no matter its my fault or others. but some people that is so stuborn that the only way they use to forget someone is by deleting them of from the frenster account. i think no matter how far or what you will do to forget someone, the person will always remain in the heart and memories will never be forgotten. so why wanna hate that person when you could actually have more frens than enermies. i also kind of think that, i had lost my best fren that i had for 12years and because of some misunderstanding that we became enermies, so i think its time for me to make a move to apologise for everything to her. i don’t blame her that if she doesn’t want to be frens with me back. but as long as she is happy and i’m happy.

anyway i don’t get it! is it wrong to be quiet and shy in class?? because the lecturer could also think that i’m invisible. there was one time that she gave out assignments and she missed me out. she apologise but also said that "i’m too quiet and didn’t know that i was there plus i sits right infront of her in the middle of the class and she could missed me out." what the hell?? she even lost my assignment that i have done and i was asked to re-do it. other peoples assignment don’t go missing but she mine does. aaarrrgghhh!!! (pissed)

i could feel my life now is getting worst and worst… there is too much ups and downs, rights and lefts that… and i don’t like this feeling… i got left out by so many different ppl and i think is mostly my fault to make this to happen… frens from college don’t want to even talk to me at all… asking them a favour and i didn’t know it was so hard… this morning… they just walk away from me and not letting me know whether r they goin break or not… and i just can’t take it anymore and so i walk away alone and here i am… in the computer lab writing my blog… its so quiet here until i can even hear my own heart beat… sigh… i really wonder what is life all about?? and i don’t know whether am i doing all this wrongly or correctly?? i can’t say no body cares about me but y is it so hard for me to find someone to understand me and guide me which road should i take?? i know that i had mention to ppl things that might hurt their feelings and i’m sorry that i said that because i really don’t know who can i really talk to?? (sorry, james)

for james only,

i know that i recently gave you alot of trouble telling you how i feel and i know you were pissed last nite that we had to ended up settling every single detail that was messed up when you were already so tired… i even made you miss ur class and postpond ur music class plus also droping me off in subang to collect my car… i really don’t want to give you so much trouble… i really don’t want to… i don’t know whether do you mind about it… i know i told you alot of things last nite and it hurts ur feelings until you had to talk to me in a different way… mayb i’m just too sensative about it… and even like what you said i think too far away until it affect alot of things… i really don’t know what can i do to make you satisfied or even happy?? i my self suffering in many situations and that is y i always tell you that i’m "sad and miserable"… mayb one day i shall follow you out and scream until my voice break… or even get drunk to forget the pain… sigh… i think i had ask too much from you that you had to choose to make it up to me… i don’t know what else to say but i’m sorry… real sorry… thanks for being there for me when i was in pain and i needed you the most… thanks alot and i really appreciate it…

on the weekend i really had alot of fun because i get to go up to bukit tinggi… even though its a short trip but i’m happy that i could spend sometime with him when i never been on a trip with anyone i was with before and it was the 1st time and during everyone was having lunch together… there were conflicts on the table until both side or girls and guys had to actually type messeges to each other secretly… the table was so quiet until insects had to entertain us… sigh… the lunch time wasn’t so good after all… hmm…

today i had 2 tests… law and families… sigh… what a day… then i just found out that my finals will last for 1whole week but its only 3subjects… aaarrrggghhhhh!!! anyway recently i felt tired every single time(nth to do with missing james!!)… not becoz that i’m tired but i don’t know why… hmm… oh well… mayb from past life i didn’t get enough sleep… hahaha…

erm tomoro i "might" be goin to bukit tinggi but its all up to james dear whether he could make it anot… becoz may fay said that this will be only chance that all of us could go up plus i n her had persuade wei ping for so long until she agree to go becoz of her "sister" and she keep on worrying so much and saying this n that.. sigh… i don’t know le… i dun wanna say anything becoz i said too much until theres too many conflict i had done… (kelly hands off)

so i wonder whats tonite’s plan becoz no body said anything and lucky james dear is bringing me out otherwise i’ll rotted at home… hehe… anyway need to go class soon… my hands is freezing.. better go now before the lecturer lock me out of the class plus i got a test to take… but i’m happy today coz my class end at 1pm… hahaha… i can go back early again… yay!!!

i’m so pissed at this guy from my families class… who ever knows me well… they will know who am i saying!!! anyway he made me pissed yesterday and even today… not only this time… even last time he made me pissed… because he is in my group and each time there is a group assignment, the work will be splited to each and everyone fairly… and guess wat?? he is da only person that i’m always worried about because he always does it last minute… and now i need to do it for him… i don’t know how many times i had let him off but this time… i’m not letting him off so easily… i’m doin all of his part and i’m not putting in his name because he made my group couldn’t pass it up in time… everyone has done it except him… and i think its isn’t unfair for everyone in da group…. so next time when there is a group assignment, i’m so not goin to be in the same group as him… bloody cheap scotland immature asshole!!! he thinks that he is da only "matsaleh" in the world… plus he thinks that he could get my best friend??? think again…

anyway i saw daniel(da m’sian idol)… at 1st i admirer him alot but when i saw him at da petrol station near my house i was like "wtf, so short and ugly"… he was as tall as me or maybe shorter… he was with his best fren and Victor(from 1st session)… he and victor was like a normal "lala" guy… because they were like staring at me and wispering something to each other… but oh well… he is down da drain!! no more my idol…  *winks*

last nite… i tried to log in to my msn and i realise someone had hack into it because my password had change… and i guess i know who it was… but too bad… i’m just too smart that i had my ways of changing everything and i got back everything… to the fellow who had hack into my msn account… you are just being foolish of ur self… get a life DUDE!!!

so its monday… waiting for the time to past… sitting in the college lab for my next class to come… today is my last day of BKA… FINALLY!! its da end that i don’t have to waste my time attending the class… hehe… so later i’ll be having a BKA test at 3.30-5.30… nervous about it because i don’t wanna retake this subject again… its totally wasting my time…

anyway today was my mock trial for my law… i had to dress formal which is what i am wearing now plus i had to wear heals too… gosh… climbing up the stairs is really a big risk because i might fall anytime.. hehe… so i reached to class at 8.05am today… was abit late and everyone was waiting for me to start the court room… oppSS!! (sorry) n i made a mess during the court because i was too nervous and i forgotten my lines plus i didn’t know what i was saying… i just say what ever i can think of…aiikkss… then i guess everything went well because i finally got used to it and i hate talking on the mic when everyone is staring at me (james, tats y i dun like to sing!!) =P

anyway the mock trial is finally over… hehe… so i had a wonderful weekend… coz… (ahem) hehe… i don’t know how to say it but it was a great weekend… haha… it was nice and i’m happy with it but sumthing almost spoilt it because of some idiot (you know who you are!!) came scolding at me for no reason but who would wanna care about that piece of shit anyway?? its not worth it for me to even spare a second wasting my energy for a person who doesn’t know how to appreciate whats infront of him… plus i had better other things…

its a new beginning of life and i shall look forward for what will happen next… i think i was just too stupid for what i’ve think and done before… because i know who is the one who is treating me good for what i am and who i am… so i guess thats it for now… will post up the next blog in near future… =D

one day, an innocent little gal went to an unknown place where ppl call it "loft"… there is where she met a guy call James… the innocent little gal was already half drunk because a fren of hers made her drink down 2 shots… then mr. james here suddenly came over and made her and her fren play a "game"… then he keeps winning and then the innocent gal got more drunk… so whose fault was it that the innocent gal got drunk??? hehe… (dun after u read this u merajuk again like in the cinema arr..) so mr. james bond here went out with the innocent gal today… catch a movie then went to red box for awhile then had dinner… by the way… the innocent gal got con AGAIN… she ask him "y u dun eat tomaro??" then he ask her back… "y u dun sing??" so she told him the reason and then here comes the real joke… he then took da tomato and eat it… n guess what he said?? "just now dun feel like eating but now suddenly feel like eating it"… (james… u are MEAN!!!) anyway that wasn’t the only thing he con the innocent gal… she ask him "what car are you picking me up" n he said… "i’m coming with a bull cart… u wait for the bull to say ‘moo’.." so i waited and then suddenly a sports car came… i was like… "eh… wheres the bull cart??" oh well… thats james’s way… sigh… anyway i never felt so happy again because i was very down for the past few days… n mr. james bond cheered me up alot… (thanks james)

i’m single again after 3months of relationship with the guy i love the most amount all my ex finally its over because of some reasons that i’m not sure what i did because he doesn’t want to explain what was it but the only thing i knew was he did not greet me at all… he rather watch tv then sending me a message… sigh… who cares anyway because no one cares for me now… but if they did then why can’t i see it or why can’t they face me?? was it they did something bad to me?? i don’t get it… why can he ask other ppl to take care of me but he can’t take care of me instead… he doesn’t want to talk to me then how can we communicate?? before this he wasn’t like that to me… he say no matter what he will answer my call and reply my sms… but now he is ignoring me… why is he bring unfair to me?? am i not pretty enough for him?? am i not loyal enough for him?? am i not good enough for him?? then what on earth he doesn’t like?? he say he can’t stand my character but who can stand his character?? and i did… i think the only way he will talk to me again is by killing myself… he knows that i don’t have much frens but he stills wanna treat me like shit… does he wanna end the friendship also?? what should i do now?? why can’t he accept me for who i am and not what i have to do for him?? no body is prefect even he is not prefect… why must he make me to be prefect for him only he will love me?? does he really know what is love means??