All bout KeLZz

i do not know whether am i still in a relationship anot because it seems that he never cares for me… he only cares for me when i’m with him but he never calls me or send me a sms to see how am i doing.. all this while i’m the one who is calling him to see how is he and what he is doing… if i don’t call i don’t think he will even bother to call or sms me… i know that he is busy with his college stuff but can’t he just send me a message?? i know that he doesn’t like to talk on the phone… but sending a message isit that hard?? if i’m dead or alive… i don’t think he knows at all… he won’t even bother to talk to me… when i had problems… i wish to go to him but everytime i msg him… he never replies my message at all… if i don’t call him and he don’t calls me, how are we going to communicate?? by seeing each other?? i don’t think so… each time we see each other… there sure will be an arguement on a small little thing… what is happening to us?? i know his studies is important because this is his final semester and he wants to do it well… but how about me?? i don’t mind if he is busy or what… but atleast leaving me a message is that so hard?? i had food poisoning yesterday… n i don’t think he even knows bout it… i went into the toilet 8times and almost got admitted to the hospital because it was terrible… does he knows bout it?? NO!!! he didn’t even call or message me to see how am i doin?? by making a short call or message me will that take alot of time?? i know that he doesn’t like to be control so i never control him already.. i let him do what ever he wants to but what happen to me?? will he still care about me after reading this blog?? i do not know… i feel that i’m left out… i wish to speak to him but i do not know how to express my feelings to him because i’m afraid that he won’t like mt to complaine.. i didn’t tell him about this because i don’t want to give him pressure because i know he is stress about his work… but why am i the one who is caring for him but not him caring for me back.. he never calls me and he doesn’t know what am i doing or where am i… i think if i got into another relationship he won’t even realise it… he is doing this isit because he trusted me or he just don’t want to bother bout me anymore?? i don’t want to bring this up to him because he will complain that i always say he never cares bout me and also he will tell me that he won’t shows it… then what am i suppose to do?? go on with my life and don’t care bout him?? i still love him alot thats why i always call him atleast 1time a day or more to see what is he doing… i don’t want to disturb him but i just want to listen to his voice… i don’t know whether he knows that i’m upset… i feel that i have been abandoned… why do i have to always tell him stuff?? why can’t he ask me?? what can i do now?? wait until i rotted for his call or don’t bother bout him too?? i don’t know whether he still remembers our 3rd anniversary is tomoro… and i don’t think that we would spend time together this week end too like what he said… our relationship is getting further and further and i don’t want this to happen… i do not know am i still important to him in his life anymore… (if you are reading this… i hope you understand whats my feeling and i hope you do something about it)

i don’t know what is wrong with me… n it seems that no one really cares about me anymore.. i had alot of problems but i got no body to go to anymore.. i can’t go to wei ping because she is already facing lots of problem her self plus she is having her exams so i don’t want to disturb her so much.. who else could i go to??  i wish someone could understand me and listens to me… but who will do such thing?? **someone please give me a comment or something**

today i wanted to stay back for my bka class.. so i bought bread to the lab to eat while doing my assignment.. then out of a sudden… an indian gu lecturer came out from no where and started shouting at me like a mad man… and i’m forbidden to go in the lab anymore… what a fuck up college… students paid so much and we can’t do what ever we want in the college… what kind of rules is this… i really regreted coming into taylors… havin no frens in it or mayb frens which is fake… what is wrong with this world… i feel so unfair…

not only about that… i dun understand why do i haf to face problems that shouldn’t be appearing… like having an arguement which was not suppose to be happening… i hate my life!!! how can i go on with my life if i keep facing all this problems which most of it wasn’t my fault?? not only in relationship but most of it is everything… i wish that i wasn’t born at all… i i was given a wish… i wish for a peaceful life which has no ups or downs… how nice would it be if everything goes smoothly… =(

So yesterday was my darling’s 21st birthday… Bought him a cake from secret recipe,"yogurt cheese"… da cake was great and i wan some more… hehe… at first i thought he won’t like it and i was quite worried bout the cake doesn’t taste good because the name yogurt cheese sounds weird… anyway i had a wonderful time with him… gave him the presents which i bought for him that i couldn’t wait to give him at first… i guess he likes them… hehe… but i think it wasn’t really a suprise to him because i told him what was most of it because he said he hates suprises but luckly i did not tell him the price of all the presents otherwise he would complain like what he did when i told him da price of the cake… but oh well… whats done is done… i already got them him but i’m not sure whether he was expecting these gifts. at 1st i planned to get him the hugo boss perfurm but i think for quite some time that its actually not worth it because with the same amount, i could get him more things (sorry dar if you wanted it, mayb next time k??) and i know he was expecting me to bring him out for dinner (rite??) but i think i let him down because i think i’m really broke(really i am!!) sigh…

so this friday he is having a small dinner inviting his close frens including me ofcoz… haha!! i hope it will turn out well… hehe… nobody knows what will happen… i don’t want to say anything otherwise he would spank me like what i said bout his car (i didn’t know u mind, sorry dar)…

<— dar’s cake

anyway today i had my BKA test… it was ok but i can’t say it was easy but i think i’ll do fine… i was asked to answer 100questions in 1 in da half hour but i answered it in less than an hour… i did it as fast i could because i was so tired and sleepy… then i speed all the way home in like i don’t know??? 10 minutes?? i quickly took of my contact lenses and went to bed… then mum woke me up at 7.15pm…so i had to wake up and i’m still sleepy now… its 9.40pm… i guess after this blog, i’ll do abit of my assignment then i’m off to my dream land… haha… i don’t know why am i so tired… (not becoz of that, darling!!) and now i’m also waiting for his call that he suppose to call since he could call out again… i need to ask him some stuff but i don’t want to call him because i’m under a budget… i spend too much this month and i need to save up for end of the year spendings… might go on a holiday with him in december… sigh… (i wish i could…) i think its end of it for now… write again next time…

..its wednesday nite… 11.15pm… bored bored bored… i’ve 3 assignments to do but i’m just too lazy to do it… hehe… so today i woke up at 10sumthing but i was planing to wake up at 12.30 but ohh well… i cleaned up my closet… its all well organized… hehe… then picked my bro up from skewl at 1pm… then went lunch with wei ping at Vietnamese Kitchen… da food was so weird because my mushroom tasted sour… ewww…. then went shopping buying lots of presents for my baby… didn’t get anything for myself… oh well… its his b’day so its only once in a year and this is da 1st time i’m celebrating with him and i do not know would i have a chance celebrating it the following year plus i’ve not got him anything before… i hope he liked it… wanted to suprise him but like he said he hate suprises so i told him i went out shopping for his b’day but yet i have not tell him what i got for him… hehe… (am i smart dar??)

anyway yesterday i found out that there was a black and white tv that my grandma wanted to throw away so i thought it was a waste… so i msg my darling whether he wants it cause i thought he wanted to put in his room so he dun haf to always go in and out watching the tv and also chatting with me on msn… then i waited and he did not reply… so i called up his hse incase my grandma throw it away… then at 1st someone answer the phone… it wasn’t his mum… then i hear properly… it sounded like a small girl then i realise it was his dad… HAHAHA!!!(i’m so mean) shhhh… so i asked him whether he wanted a tv then he said tat there is no space for it… so i wanted to put down the phone and his dad ask me "y you sound so sad? come tell me what happen"… so i told him and we were like talking on the phone for i can’t remember how long… then he ask me to come over to his hse before muyinn’s come back… cause i know that my darling wouldn’t like it if i come over without his permission… so i went over n talk to his parents for like 2hours… out of the sudden… muyinn suddenly came back and i’ve forgotten that his class ended at 4pm… luckly he wasn’t mad that i came over… and instead of he getting mad at me, he ask me out… i was like (did his fever burn his vains??)

so we went to Curve… he ask me whether i got my shoe yet… then he went looking around… then we saw a stall giving out lanterns if purchase any items above RM50 will get a free lantern… n i saw the "mashi maro" lantern and i wanted it so much… (i didn’t let him know) so we went looking for my shoe and finally we found one… there were 3 colours… and he knows that i always get black and he warned me not to get black again… so i had 2 choices.. 1 was white and another was the skin colour… so i tried on both colours even wearing it with both side different colours… at 1st i thought there were discount coz i saw 40% and it cost RM49.90… so after discount it would cost only RM30… it was so cheap i thought so i ask the sales girl and she said no discount… that was on mega sale… i was like (aaarrrggghhhh) oh welll… i called my mum for permission and i got it… hehe… guess what colour i bought?? both?? no no… white ofcoz… coz i think i never haf a white shoe before… EXCEPT for my skewl shoes, the adidas shoe and da crocodile brand shoe… hehe… and then he ask me to ask the sales lady to change the price so that i could get my lantern… so she wrote me a resit writen RM59.90… so i got my mashi maro lantern… YAY!!! so i ask him whether he would play with me… guess what answer i got?? "i will STARE KOCK at you while you play it"… he even showed me how is he goin to stare at me… oh well… thats my darling… but then ofcoz i know that he didn’t mean it… so i asked him again then he finally gave me an answer that satisfied me which is… "i won’t play with you but i’ll be with you, because i’m too old for it and i had not played it for many years.. but i had joined competitions" then he started talking bout it.. even admit he felt pround of wining the dunno which price even if its not the 1st… hahaha… my darling… so PERASAN… hahahah…. muaakkss… i miss him now… i guess he is sleeping now… coz he said that he won’t be coming online… its alright with me… hehe… must be snoring like a dinasour… hahahha…. **peace** that it for now…

<—- my mashi maro lantern… isn’t it cute??

last weekend i had been argueing with him even today… and we almost broke up because of a small matter… y do we haf to argue about this kind of things?? i dun really understand… i tried my best to tolerate with him in every single way… but y isn’t it still working?? WHY??? each time a small matter happens we tend to make it as if its BIG!!! i’m trying to understand what he expects me to be like but y can’t he think for my side abit?? i noe he did but does he noe what m i goin through?? he is my bestest fren n also my love one… there is no one else i could tell so much things of my life that i’m goin through except for him… i tell him every single thing what happen to me every day… even when he isn’t around… when he went to s’pore… i told him everything what happened to me n what i did when he wasn’t around… he is already part of life… i just can’t stand it each time we argue… how much pain i’m goin through with all the shouting n screaming… i just feel like shooting myself so everything will just solve… but i can’t just run away by letting the matter be like tat… i really want to solve every single matter if possible… i hate goin through this again… each time i love someone so much… something bad will happen to me… am i being cursed? i thought my life is perfect… having someone to love and care about me as much as i do… everythings perfect until recently… everything turns wrong… is it me or is it him?? i don’t noe… when i ask him… he keeps saying is not me n its him… who wouldn’t say that?? aaaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh…. i just feel like blowing up my head n kill myself… y can’t i have a normal relationship?? what am i suppose to do now?? i’m stuck in my life now… this very time… i don’t know what can i do… i still want to go on with this relationship… i dun want to end it… its really a waste… its so hard for anyone who could find someone that is perfect like me…

i need solutions to clean up the mess… i noe by just loving him is not enough… i’m trying my best to listen to him… do what he likes n not hate…i hope there is a way to solve this problem so that we could live together with a happy ending… i really want that to happen… sniff sniff…

so its 2.44pm now… i’m still stuck in college still… freezing like hell… suppose to go back at 2.15 but had to wait for an ass who is TAN WEI PING!!! coz she had no transport home… sigh… i’m hungry now… i din go for my law class today coz it was raining in da morning n i was late for classs… so instead i went for breakfast with chubby coz i was hungry at tat time coz i din eat dinner only 6small little donuts from DUNKIN DONUT!!! that was bought with dar…

so today its da 10th week with him… it was just like yesterday but its been 10weeks i’m with him… 10weeks ago today i was single so i accept him after lots of torturing from in online… i dunno y i accepted him when he is like scolding me every single time we chat online… but now its my turn who scold and make fun of him online which he don’t like… hehe… (i’ll try to control ya, dar)

so its 1 more day to go and its my holiday… had planed what to do in my holiday which is rotting at home in my room with my assignments… hehe… hope to spend more time with dar too… and his b’day is coming up… i know what to buy for him d and i’m not telling it here… otherwise it won’t be a suprise for him… hehe… sorry… mayb after his b’day i’ll tell what i bought and what happen on his b’day…

anyway last nite i received a very weird call… a guy call me up and said that i had sign up for an account for 4D… i was like wtf??? he said i sign up in mid valley last month and i got RM10 in it… he ask whether i want to buy 4D since my money had not use before… so i agreed… i got 2 different numbers… one which is my car number and 1 was the computer choose… da operator ask me whether i wanted big or small… and i ask whats big and whats small… hehe…(i haven my 4D in my life before la) anyway so i spend RM3 and my account balance was RM7… wow!!

anyway i can’t go on anymore because my hands is harden and i had difficulty on typing now… so i’ll continue next time… wait for my next post guys…

its been awhile since last i wrote my blog… i was frustrated about it because i wrote a super long one and i accientally close da page and everything was gone… sigh… today is monday and its da beginning of a new week already… next week will be my holidays and i could sleep all day long… hehe… but i guess there will be tons of assignment to be done… anyway last saturday was my college’s "parents-teachers day"… so my mum came to see all my teachers for my results… i was happy with it coz i scored well… i’m happy with this sem’s result better than before… hehe…

so during that day i went shopping with muyinn… bought a white skirt but left it in his car… sigh… couldn’t wear it to college yet cause he’ll paste it to me on friday… i’m kinda sad coz i can’t really see him and spend time with him not as much as last time coz of our time-tables doesn’t suit each other… oh well… i haf to get use to it otherwise i’ll die without him… hehe… during the merdeka countdown we wanted to watch "charlie and the chocolate factory" but wei ping want to watch "the maid"… and it was scary… i didn’t sleep well coz of the movie… i keep turning 360degress on the bed until i think he didn’t sleep well too… (sorry dar) like what he said… when da time he snore i can’t sleep but when da time he nvr snore i still cannot sleep… (dun blame me, blame wp) hehe… but at last we get to watch da movie coz he finally could downloaded it… hehe… muaakkss muaakkss…. only KOAY MUYINN could make me happy and not anyone else… hehe… love you for that too!! (n.n)

so my mum will be going to bangkok tomoro and hopefully my father will find his own plans so i could get out of the hse… hahaha!!! i’m EVIL!!! **peace** i think that all for now… better go play one more round of game before goin for class… hehe…